So your first focus needs to be strengthening and sweetening your relationship with each child. Be sure you're following the other recommendations on this website to build connection -- Special Time one on one for each child daily, for instance. Lots of laughter daily. Empathy so your child can express emotions. Loving guidance instead of punishment. Kids who are raised this way are happier and emotionally healthier, so they get along better with their siblings.
Every child needs to know deep in their bones:. I could never love anyone more than I love you. My book Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How To Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life has lots more solutions, tips and skills to help your children get along better and develop a strong bond for life. Looking for help with older kids fighting? How to stop siblings fighting? Parents ask me all the time for good books that deal with sibling relationships.
Here are some suggestions for both you and your children. There are also books on adding a baby to your family on this page: Books about the New Baby for Older Siblings. Just what I needed. None of the other methods of "disciplining" were working for us. These articles are really helping me understand what my son needs. And the way you give specific actions to take, with suggested words! I often find myself thinking when reading about parenting, "But how exactly do I implement that????
This website does not leave me hanging. Thank you! We all want to be awesome parents; we just don't know how. Yours is the best advice I've found so far on what to do when you, the parent,are angry. Most say something like, "Deal positively with your anger!
Laura Markham on www. I have written on a wall at home to always choose love, love is patient, love is kind, love protects, love will get me home. Laura's parenting advice completely changed my relationship with my daughter, improved her self-esteem, and transformed our lives.
Providing my daughter with acknowledgement of her feelings and point of view reduced her oppositional behaviors and emotional meltdowns to nearly none. Laura, you have created miracles, large and small, in so many lives and our children thank you.
Folks, she's brilliant. It's wonderful to have parenting experts who don't see the child as the enemy in a locked combat, for one thing. I recommend it. Do I carry on and hope that in time these odd feelings I have for my sister will go away?
Mary replies: Yes, I have come across similar problems to the one that you are having, so please don't feel that you are alone. Your very first erotic object was that white silk underwear and you no doubt found that silk underwear was always capable of turning you on as you progressed through life.
The fact that it was your sister wearing it meant that she was inextricably linked in your fantasy to your arousal. Thankfully, this did not progress with you although you are now somewhat bothered by what might have been.
Your sister has now entered into your fantasy and as far as dreams are concerned there is not much that you can do about those. I suggest that in future when you are fantasising you make it about somebody else because even though you are never going to do anything with your sister it is causing you distress to have her as the object of your desire. It is possible with a little work to re-write the scenario in your head and leave your sister out of it.
I don't know why your sister kisses you on the lips - this is definitely not sisterly behaviour and it would be better if you were to offer her your cheek in future. I'm not sure what her plan is, or whether she is simply playing with you for her own amusement, but you should not be a part of it. I think it is wonderful that you have been able to talk with your wife about all of this and she sounds like a rock of sense.
Regarding her lack of interest in sex since becoming menopausal, you should encourage her to discuss this with her GP, as the lack of estrogen may be causing vaginal dryness. I would not advise discussing all of this with your sister, as one way or another you could end up feeling very hurt, or worse still, be made to feel that you are imagining things.
Why do some people continue to think about an old flame and wonder if it was a mistake to not have married that person? Mary replies: What an awful lot has been left unsaid in this email and I'm sure there is quite a story behind it that caused you to write to me. Some people go through life looking back, and wondering 'what if'. What if they had travelled, what if they had taken a job offer that was slightly risky, what if they had ended up with an old flame.
Others look forward, wonder what is around the next corner, and hope that life will continue to be exciting.
But these people are usually fairly happy and content in their relationships and only occasionally wonder what life would have been like if they had chosen a different path. Reading many of the comments here, there seems to be an overwhelming tendency for people to see themselves as the victim in their relationships with others.
We are all flawed and have a natural bias that allows us to see more clearly where others have wronged us but not necessarily where we have been wrong. There are certainly plenty of people out there who will lie, manipulate, and take advantage of others to the extent possible. Healthy boundaries are necessary for every relationship. However, if you find yourself repeatedly in relationships with so-called toxic people, you might want to remember that the one common factor in all those relationships is you.
True for toxic friendships or relationships where the cost of leaving is less than the cost of staying, but sometimes the toxic person is a parent, a sibling, a family member, a step-child, or an ex-spouse with whom the relationship has to be maintained on some level because of shared parenting. It really depends on the nature of the relationship and the cost involved in leaving.
I have a very toxic relationship with my ex-husband. We have two children together, and have been divorced for over 10 years. He is a full fledged narcissist, contradicts himself, bullies, manipulates. Undermines my authority, involves the kids in adult situations, and then when they ask questions he says its none of their business. I have a better idea. Just an idea! This is me, not all of it but most of it.
Communication becomes manipulative or non-existent, and they are masterful forming relationships with people who will always want the best for the people they love, so will bend and twist for the sake of the relationship. Meanwhile, the toxic person contributes nothing.
The second hardest step is staying changed — there might be the occasional two steps forward one step back. Sometimes there might be three steps back. The main this is you keep moving forward and not be discouraged by the times you fall a little.
I know you can change. I know you can do this. Thank you so much for this article. I have had several toxic relationships, people who mistake kindness for weakness. The most current toxic relationship is a friend who I was close to, but he wanted to become more than friends and I am married.
So when I turned him down, his ego got stepped on and he started becoming manipulative, making me feel guilty over my decisions, etc. I started to question my own better judgement. I decided today actually before I even read the article that there really is no room for this person in my life. Why keep going back and trying to make this friendship work.
I will continue to pray for him, because God requires us to love all people, enemies included. I wish him well. Bless you for the article, it was extremely helpful! Too often people mistake kindness for weakness, but the kindest people I know have been some of the strongest. You have wonderful insight, so let that continue to strengthen you.
Thank you for sharing this. You never know else who will get strength from your story. Thank you for this article. It is very helpful… it breaks my heart to say I have a toxic daughter-in-law and I am at a loss on how to deal with her. As I learn from articles such as this one I think I will be better equipped to weather the storm… and to be there for my son and two granddaughters… if they should need me.
The most important thing is not to say anything bad about your daughter in law in front of them even if what you are saying is true! One of the way toxic people do so much damage is by dividing people by pitting one against the other. It sounds like you already are. They are very lucky to have you. I am going through this after a friendship at home.
I did everything for him. I was used. Caught in lies no communication for two months. Left me the day after mini stroke. I paid his medical. I paid for his DUI treatment through medical, supported him for almost three years.
Now its been three months and he just up and left and moved in with I suspect with another younger girl. My friends and family saw. He would get upset, turn questions around. I was so in love and took so much from him. He was mean, rude and I took it so desperate. I know I am better off but somehow I miss him. I see a pattern. He is a player.
Never wanted a relationship. Never said he loved me! Ran him everywhere! Did so much so he could go to school. Most of facebook is all women. I guess I did think he would change his mind. I went to talk about my first ministroke to him he asked whats wrong with you instead of calling The next hit day after Christmas and he left.
Never are you ok. He was selfish it was all about him and his needs. Now at work if thats not enough I went back to work after being off on medical and work environment is toxic and I am singled out. By boss and toxic coworkers praying to get out. Job interview next week. Trying remain positive. Thank you for this article!!!! It was perfect timing.
I am working on healing and building my self esteem! You are so much better without him! Take the time you need to learn from this relationship so no-one like him comes near you again.
Think about what drew you to him? What stopped you leaving sooner? What was it that kept you there, even though that voice inside you was telling to run? Did you hear that voice inside you? Or was it too quiet? If any there are lessons that remain are unresolved the risk is that you will be drawn.
Leave him so far behind you. Then thank him. Thank you for putting so much thought into your writing and for taking the time to reply to every single comment you get! My husband is a narcissist who needs constant praise, all the time. He is literally insane. Cannot have a conversation with him that makes any sense at all, unless I just listen to his incessant rambling.
This sounds like an awful situation to be in. I expect you have good reasons for staying. So many people going through the same thing. It took plenty of research for me to learn what was what, and knowing the key words to search for this topic that was so new to me was extremely helpful. Thank you for your clarity on the subject, I hope my family will be receptive to reading it. In relation to your question, personality disorders are a serious diagnosis and I would be reluctant to encourage anyone to make that sort of diagnosis for themselves or of anyone else through a Google search.
Thank you! Seen some people I have known in the past and also seen some of myself. Soul searching is a never ending process. Oh you are so right! I know what you mean about soul searching being never ending. Everybody does all of the toxic behaviours some of the time. The fact that you have insight and a readiness to soul-search, means that you will never be toxic.
Thank you for taking the time to make contact. Thank you. I needed to see this today. My narcissistic and very toxic husband left 5 months ago for a much younger woman. He also left behind 3 teenagers, a house in disrepair, incredible debts and much emotional debris. I spent many years walking on eggshells trying to make him happy and keep everything ok. He abused my good nature and took advantage of me at every turn. He is a master manipulator… After our separation 3 years ago when I first was confronted with his affair, he lied and tried to keep conning me.
I let him come home after he was evicted from his apartment, got his car repossessed and drank so much that he was writing bad checks and pawning silver and his wedding ring! But he promised to change and made me believe that everything but him was to blame for his downfall. I believed in my vows and tried to help him overcome his issues.
For better or worse, he was my husband and father of our kids. He paid me back with lies, cheating, fraudulently opening a credit card in my name and then kissing me good bye on a Wednesday talking about what we should have for supper and never came home again.
He has made some minimal support payments and sees his kids maybe for a meal a couple times a month. Never helps in any way with what he left behind or any parental duties.
The crazy thing is that we have been friends since we were in high school and I still love him or at least love who he was once. That guy is dead and gone and now the pirate has taken him over it is so sad and I am distraught by the loss of our family. A lot was caused by alcohol and by his selfishness. Idk if it'll help depending on the type of "mood" you're in, but it should at least do something.
Do it dude lol I would, there's no doubt about that! Well i asked her yesterday, and she was hesitant abut letting me see her fully naked, but she stripped down t her bra and panties, and she let me play with her boobs through her bra. Yea I wouldn't keep on her, just kinda let her decide it and I'll dm that chick and try to get some nudes lol but yea man.. I know it may be weird because you're her brother and all, but hey if you get an opportunity like that, take it and run with it.
Are You Normal? Is it normal to feel aroused by my sister? Is It Normal? Help us keep this site organized and clean. Comments 49 Sort: best oldest. Comment Hidden show. Tell me more??? Actually incest is more than normal especially if you have a hot sexy sister. Holy shit dude! I hate these stupid questions.
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