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The spider was supposed to be Richard. I hadn't figured out how many arms and legs people are supposed to have yet, so I just put a whole bunch on there and hoped it was enough. I didn't want him to feel offended because I shortchanged him on legs. It must've come off like being haunted by a defective but well-meaning ghost.
The connection should have been obvious. But, when faced with a mystery like, "Where did my remote control go? Why is there a piece of paper with a child's handwriting on it hiding in the VCR? And how do these rocks keep getting in here? I don't know what theory Richard came up with to explain it, but it almost certainly wasn't that one. Similarly, when faced with a mystery like "why does our child keep disappearing? And why has our child been "hanging out" with our year-old neighbor?
The thing that finally blew my cover was stealing Richard's cat. Stealing it wasn't the original plan. The opportunity presented itself, I seized it. It was a strong animal. Getting it into the drawer was difficult.
I didn't have a plan for what to do with it, but I knew I had something valuable, and I think the thought process was that I should save it for later. For when I figured out how to capitalize on the probably unlimited potential of this.
It lived in the drawer for a while. I don't know how long. Hours, probably. They weren't expecting to find quite so many of Richard's things.
I don't know if they put the pieces together immediately, or processed them individually as they came up— "first of all, there's a cat in this drawer; How about that. Next up: there appear to be a considerable number of objects under the cat.
This one is a shoe. This one is a piece of bread. This one is a credit card bill. Huh…it's addressed to 'Richard The Neighbor…. There was more than enough evidence to answer the question.
That's got to be a strange moment for a parent. There's this omnipresent fear of predators and monsters, and you just… you never quite expect to find out the monster is your kid.
They confronted me after a strategy meeting about how the fuck to handle this. That's not something the books prepare you for. Allie Brosh. Her marriage had begun unraveling — she and her first husband finalized their divorce, amicably, in — and her parents split up around then, too. She thinks she may have been trying to prove she was still OK, amid everything that was going on. But here she is. It feels like being an animal getting reintroduced to the wild.
Like, oh my goodness, people can see me. Her progress over the past several years is in part thanks to her psychiatrist, whom she now FaceTimes every week. Another huge factor has been a budding friendship with herself. As always, such vulnerable moments are shot through with comedic absurdity, even for an audience of one. Hanging out with herself has also led Brosh to ponder what kind of person she wants to be. She even started an Instagram account, to encourage herself to keep in touch.
In an online world of constant content-churn, Brosh is a holdout: someone who will not be rushed. Sarah Henderson.
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